I’ve spent weeks, months lost in an abyss of house renovation chaos, everything taking longer, costing more than I envisioned. Kinda expected really from my in depth reno experience through watching Kevin McCloud on Grand Designs every day through my pregnancy with Ted to the point where I wondered if Ted would recognise McCloud’s voice more than his dad’s when he was born :/
I’ve found myself completely sucked into every bit of it, overwhelmed with the tasks, hours spent impatiently waiting on tradespeople who don’t always show up. I’ve wondered if there’s another way to cope? Do other people manage to put all that into a little box labelled ‘house crap’ and carry on with their lives as normal or is it natural for ones body, mind, spirit to be merged indefinitely with the chaos of home; bricks falling, nails hammered, walls teared down, windows torn out, thick layer of plaster dust dropping over me every day. Is it possible for your ever searching spirit to seep out from under the dust, to visibly flow despite each loud bang, drill and shake.
The evidence points to me of the latter, I am my home and when my home is in disarray so am I. But as bricks start to be put back together, floors laid, some dusty boxes unpacked, there is some space again to remember this is temporary. We’re building a home together as a small family and it’s messy. Maybe it’s always been this messy but the physical noise and broken structures are a brutish reminder. And maybe I can exist beautifully amongst the mess. My world is a mess but I’m not. I am present, I am here.
P.S Writing this after spending some time in our untamed garden, under the oak tree watching a little wren going about her day. I’ve never watched one in such detail so I hope I did her justice when making my wren wall piece and wren earrings earlier this year..