Yesterday was just a bad day. Arduous in every way for absolutely no reason I could think of. I just woke up like that. Maybe I had a weird dream I cannot remember, who knows. I wished I had a ‘normal’ job where someone would tell me what to do and where to go so that I could achieve something that day. But being self employed the motivation has to solely come from moi. And there was none coming. Adding to my irritation was the fact that it was such a beautiful autumn day and I couldn’t even be bothered getting out into the sunshine to enjoy it. No thank-you.
I had planned to spend the morning doing some sketching – I had such a beautiful and magical plan in my head of how the sketches would look. But the little I did looked really pants :/ How disappointing.
I desperately wanted to change my mindset, and tried a few techniques – I listened to an inspiring podcast (which was inspiring but I didn’t feel inspired), I attempted to meditate, I rested somewhat.. Finally I realised I simply had to accept this state of mind for today. Accept that this is just how my mind and body are feeling today and to not dwell on it. It didn’t make me feel any better but I eased into a notion of – this is just how it is and I don’t need to overthink it, it is just a passing phase like anything in life.
Then I was able to accept defeat that today was not a day for inspiration and drawing and I was able to get going on some tasks that needed doing but required little imagination. They were just simple doing tasks – cleaning up some pieces I had made the day before.
I am only just learning, through trial and error, that thoughts and feelings are not the be all and end all. They are just passing clouds and for the most part require very little attention paying to them. They are there and will always be there but they do not define who I am. I can accept that they are there, occasionally dwell into them for the purpose of understanding where they originate but they are mostly a distraction and can be watched, yet ignored.
And today I feel brighter, and in a more imaginative mood, so I might try that sketching again 🙂
Thanks for reading,
Marie x
And if this is your thing – the beautiful Buddist Monk Thich Nhat Hanh speaks about strong emotions here and how to deal with them. Perhaps you’ll enjoy it too. Funnily enough I’d listened to it a few days ago. It was like I was being prepped for my next life lesson 🙂 Here you go:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJX8WkKbPf8