Recently I was reading a newsletter by Chela Davison and in it she had set some morning tasks. One of them was to watch where your thoughts go throughout the day. That day when I noticed I had a negative feeling I tried to catch what it was I was thinking at that time. Regularly it happened to be when I was doing something I didn’t feel good enough for and my mind was berating me by saying I was being too much, getting above my station, you get the drift.
For example – I was typing some text on a Pinterest pin (Pinterest is my fav social media by the way – come visit me here), and I wrote what I had made and then typed… ‘by flower artist Marie Canning’. My mind immediately pounced saying ‘who do you think you are calling yourself a flower artist’ and I felt shame creep in for thinking so highly of myself.
But then I thought… but I have been making porcelain flowers for several years now, and they are rather beautiful, I’ve worked really hard to perfect them, they fill me with joy, people buy them and message me to tell me how lovely they look in their homes and how good they make them feel.. Surely therefore I have earned the right to call myself on occasion a ‘flower artist’. So I left the text up on my pin.
I have a friend I met when Ted was a small baby. Both our boys were around 8 months old when I bumped into her in a playground. She told me enthusiastically how she had set up a new business since her baby was born and how successful it already was proving to be. The joy and elation on her face as she was telling me this only invoked feelings of ‘you are too much’, how dare she tell me how well work is going for her when I am struggling to get anything done at this time.
I was of course jealous. The problem wasn’t her, it was me. Her outright value in herself mirrored the perceived lack of my own. Thankfully I know that when you are feeling negative towards someone else, you quite likely need to look within. As I have slowly worked on my own self worth these past few years, I can now handle my friend’s glorious self worth. Now I embrace it, feel inspired by it and see it as a place I could get to too. I am filled up around her, rather than through her bold strength feeling my own weaknesses.
So my advice to you too, is to notice what your mind is telling you about yourself throughout the day. If a pattern emerges – tell it thanks for trying to keep me safe and comfortable in my small reality but I’m ok feeling good about myself and sharing it with the world. Surely other than the benefits for ourselves if we all felt a bit more worthy, we would also think others deserved that respect too, other friends, people, animals, our planet.
Caring about yourself is the recipe for caring about the world and all her inhabitants too. What a place it would be if we gave ourselves the utmost value and then spread that outwards too.
Thanks for reading,